Renewing the Social Contract

People, people, please, calm down. I know everybody's been somewhat anxious about the recent news that the government as we know it has decided to call it quits. We all knew it couldn't spend money willy-nilly like that forever. It sounds scary, but I assure you there's nothing to fear. I know that our town is a bastion of stick-to-itiveness and gumption, so with a little hard work I think we can all weather this storm.

That's why I've called everybody here to this town hall meeting. Since the government isn't going to be there to take care of things, we're just gonna have to do it ourselves. And, I figure, if we're going to start our little society from scratch, it's best to have everybody in the same room. I understand Mrs. Hurley couldn't make it tonight because she couldn't get a cat-sitter on such short notice, but I told her we could let her go over all of our decisions tomorrow afternoon.

So, where to begin? Well, I was thinking, since things pre-government-collapse were going pretty hunky dorey, why throw the civic baby out with the bathwater? We can pick and choose all the laws and legislation that have worked and then go through and throw out those negative nellies that have been bugging us, like that old ordinance about lawn care that Mr. McGregor keeps complaining about. Well, I went to the liberty of collating enough copies of some important documents that might help us as a guide. On the table in front of me, you'll find a stack of Declarations of Independence, Constitutions, Magna Carta, town charters, plus some funky legal documents I found online that I thought might be fun to throw around. If everybody could form a line to my right, and you can grab one of each. There's also a number of highliters and note stickies on the table, but there may not be enough to go around, so you might have to share. What's that? You're missing the last pages from your copy of the Constitution? Hmm, I really thought I made enough copies. Just look on with Hazel if you could. I'll give everybody a couple minutes to look everything over.

So, what's everybody think? I can just start off with the Declaration of Independence and then we can go down the list of Articles of the Constitution and see what everybody thinks. Mmm-kay? Alright then, how's everybody feel about "all men created equal"? Sure? Ah good point Hazel, "all people" works better. Yes, Mr. Johnson? Yeah, I figured Democracy would be the way to go. But maybe I'm jumping ahead too much. What's everybody think? Democracy? Yes, Mr. Johnson, it's nice that you read a book on traveling autonomous anarchist collectives, but I don't think Ms. Wilkins is going to give up her garden patch just to avoid the chance of authoritarian rule.

Just think of it like that Noreaster that hit us two years back. Or remember when everybody got together for that garbage cleanup last summer by the river? Well, it'll be like that, but on a weekly basis.

—May 7th, 2009

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