The King of Mumblecore

At a time, mumblecore seemed like the perfect salve to the world of overhyped blockbusters and action films that dominated the moviegoing world. They were intimate, indie films that mimicked life's more realistic, awkward moments in the vein of a Goddard or a Jarmusch. They were cute and satisfying in the ways that overblown epics never could be. Who needs million-dollar explosion sequences when most of us just want a solemn bit of honesty on screen? Sometime in the last few years, Hollywood caught on to this little niche and realized they didn't need million-dollar explosion sequences to make a buck. Just create a shell studio underneath your own behemoth studio, like a Fox Searchlight, with the stipulation that it can't spend more than 1/100 of a normal budget, use handheld camerawork, put together a folk soundtrack, and then throw the actors together with little to no script and edit it all together so it's awkward, but not too awkward, and you've got your film. The results are films that are overly precious and contrived in a very derivative, unnerving way that's hard to describe. It's exactly what you might expect if Hollywood execs tried manufacturing overly precious films.

"Okay, who are we seeing in this film? I'm thinking Tom Cruise and Natalie Portman have to drive across country to visit their uncle dying of cancer. Along the way, they get to know each other and stare out the window wistfully for half the movie."

"I like it. They're both about the same height so it fits. Maybe have them stop in some town to run around and realize it's the time of their lives?"

"Perfect. Maybe they pick up a hitchhiker or two to make it interesting. Now we just need a soundtrack. What about Nick Drake?"

"Suzie, can you get me Nick Drake on the phone? Oh, he's dead? What about his estate? Ok, maybe we'll get somebody to cover some Joni Mitchell songs instead."

Later that day:

"Don't fucking cross me you piece of shit. You think you can fuck me on this? I'm the fucking king of mumblecore. You'll never awkwardly emote on screen in this town again!"

—March 27th, 2009

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